A fear

I have a fear of not being good enough...
I want to be so many things and do so much yet when I find a hurdle I call defeat and let my dream go... I have a fear of succeeding also!

I've always been made to feel I'll never be anything so why waist everyones time...!?

I have very few people that support me and I have even less to push me to be more... They allow me to concede defeat.
I know it shouldn't matter what other think of me or what others say nor their expectations of me I need only worry about myself...yet... I can't I am afraid to put faith in myself and let my self down again and again if yes IF I happen to fail...

It's ridiculous I know!! It's really very hard to trust in myself that I can do something anything and be great at it when I've only ever heard from anyone is that I can't that I'll never make it as anything...!
It really is a soul crusher.. It breaks you down piece by piece until you have no confidence or will left to push yourself into anything!

I am not making excuses for never pushing myself as I know it is my battle and noone else's!

A fear of failure and being proved that they were all right is not the fear that keeps me up at night...
A fear of success is my point of anxiety... WHY?? I just don't know why I have this fear...!